Home is where the bonfire is

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
scrublord-nito
juney-blues

Bethesda RPGs and games like them are hilarious to me because they take place in worlds where the average person's conflict resolution skills begin and end with "murder."

There's no talking things out, no levels of escalation, no asking for apologies, no nothing. If someone tries to talk to you, but they were looking at a small trinket on your desk worth half a penny, so they accidentally Stole That instead, the only solution to this problem is to immediately try and beat them to death with your own two hands.

Hell the entire town will join in on it too. they all care SO much about that vase or plate or sprig of nirnroot or whatever.

it's even better in oblivion where even HOLDING something that doesn't belong to you for a second counts as theft, denizens of the imperial city are notorious for how much they hate strangers fingerprints on their things. the knives and forks in bars and taverns are just for show, if you try to eat with them they'll call the royal guard to cut your hands off while half the patrons ineffectually bash their mitts against your full plate armour.

Trying to sleep in someone else's bed in the vvardenfell province of morrowind is punishable by vigilante execution, it's probably why divorce rates are so high there also.

rinboz
gas-station-dick-pill

you know when you and that e-girl you fancied actually make it and hook up but you live in different cities and shit. yeah that was chill and dating some sort of girl creature is nice but you know when you’ve endured weeks of “would you love me if i was a lamp🥺🥺” and “please mod my stream please mod my stream please mod my stream” and “spit in my mouth” messages and you go to her place for date weekend and the smell just hits you like a wall when you open the door. homegirl got that reek. that no shower november, that cheap vodka and mcdonalds sweat vibe. That thank god you can’t smell me thru twitch kinda beat and you find her huddled in her cave watching whetever chinese cartoon is on the meme this week and before she gets at you with that “daddy i’m not dirty i’m just based and lainpilled” you drag her scrawny lil ass to the shower. she’s passed grimes and moved onto mud and baby you’re a gas station powerwasher. There’s no use resisting, you’re filled with the concerned rage of a diappointed parent. You ain’t daddy, you’re Father dearest. you hose her down properly but there is challenge waiting. the layers of filth, makeup and grease has formed a waterproof cocoon. girl putting the crusty in crustecean and you need a hammer and a chisel to break open the shell to get at the juicy pale white girlmeat inside. She makes a fuss like an angry cat and threaten to refuse wearing the asuka costume for you ever again, but she eventually drops the hissing and succumbs to the soap and water. Colours you ain’t ever seen before swirls around the drain hole and you just know you have to bleach the shit out of that later. Your creature is reborn as she emerges from the dirt and you remember why you love her. She’s beautiful. Cracked open and freed you dry her off with a towel and kiss her forehead. You cook her dinner after airing out her place and she nearly pukes before once again adjusting to solids. You two talk about how you feel as the evening drags on into the long night. Two humans connecting, breaking bread and caring for eachother. Love wins

carnival-phantasm
micro-usb-deactivated20230625

image

There’s one guy in Columbus Ohio that has a completely unique strain of Covid that we only know about because of how much he is shitting and it is baffling researchers.

His identity is a mystery but they know where commutes to because his shits turn up there too.

aurpiment
insomniamademedothis

Imagine going about your daily life blissfully unaware that there’s a research team dedicated to tracking you through your actual shit